Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I'm in a faith rut. I'm finding it hard to understand and communicate with God. Sometimes I feel so distant and the Bible seems like an imperfect manual at best. How do I hold on to my relationship with God when I'm so often confronted by philosophies that compete with my understanding of justice (in the Bible). My issue currently is not belief in God, I'm sure God loves me, because that's what God does, loves us beyond our comprehension, all of us, saints and sinners alike. Although I struggle, I believe God is with me, but it's hard. I can't explain it adequately, I consider regularly the possibility that some things are God's prerogative and I'll never understand, but I hope to understand enough to never lose faith completely. I hope to understand enough to raise my child to know God and seek a relationship with God for herself, whether more or less strong than my own. I suppose I'm a bit envious of people I know who seem to have lots of faith, few questions (about the Bible or God), and much more peace about the direction they are heading in life. As much as I believe.... I'll be honest and say that occasionally I wonder whether I am trying too hard to hang on to a cultural relic of my childhood/culture, rather than a firm object of my adulthood. My hope is that I'm right that God won't abandon me for periods of a lack of faith, but I don't want to push myself over a cliff of unbelief that I can't find my way back up.