Saturday, June 9, 2012

And sometimes...

Sometimes I'm afraid to be honest with myself.
(Why? because I'm afraid the next step 
will require more than I have to give).
Sometimes I make decisions that aren't the best 
for myself, 
for my family, 
for my life in general.
(It's frustrating, but at some point I'm going to have to form
new, better habits).  
Sometimes I pause when I should keep momentum going, 
and other times I race ahead too fast.
(I love planning, but sometimes fail to plan).
Sometimes writing, knitting, crocheting
is all that keeps me sane.
Sometimes I not only know, but believe my faults don't define all of who I am.
Too often I'm discouraged by narratives that seem on an endless loop.
Tomorrow I'm going to try something new.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Duty to our daughters

And at 17 we imagine ourselves as women,
fluttering about the world, 
held aloft by wings of potential
and the first taste of being desired.

Sweet and ambitious, we good girls,
weep over our inadequacies, 
and laugh triumphantly among friends 
about our successes.

We save away ourselves from foolish suitors,
whilst longingly pursuing those considered worthy
by newborn eyes.

Eventually we learn,
learn that our mothers, grandmothers,
teachers, and mentors are right.
Being a woman comes with rights
and responsibilities.

It's the miracle of our own humanity
that truly shocks us into womanhood.
Whispers quietly in our ear that
we aren't the first and won't be the last 
to walk barefoot through a field.

Reassures us that to be human
is to lose and find,
and that to be woman
is a gift, full still of potential
and awe.

Monday, June 4, 2012


Our family and another family (very good friends of ours here in Halifax) are officially farmers:-)  Or we have a plot at a local community garden, and hopefully by the fall we'll have a beautiful crop to harvest.  Aminata loves the earth by the way, I'm hoping she didn't eat any of the dirt while we were out :-P


Sunday, June 3, 2012

Fantasy VS Reality

The dishes will always be done.

I hate the dishes, they will go undone many a night, BUT they do have to and will eventually get done.

I will always have time/be in the position to exercise exactly how and when it suits me.

I can and should get it in, where it fits in.  Choose to be more active, as opposed to less active.

I will love being a stay-at-home mother and wife 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I love my family, and enjoy the privilege of not having to rush back to full-time employment, HOWEVER like any job, this one has its frustrations, disappointments, and drawbacks (not the least of which is not feeling valued for my intellect in the larger community - I miss working outside of the home, desperately).

We are going to win the lottery/never have to "worry" about money.

I won't pretend I'll never again in my life, waste a buck on a fantasy, but I know through good stewardship we'll buy a house, save for our sweet girl's education, and retirement without having to give up MOST of the amenities we've come to enjoy.

I'll get 8-10 hours of guilt-free uninterrupted sleep EVERY night:-)

Until we have no small children, a dishwasher, AND a roomba (that picks up and stores toys), that's NOT GOING TO HAPPEN....

I'll be perfect and live up to every expectation I ever had for myself in life.

I'm a human being, I make mistakes, I grow, and hopefully I learn.

The greatest expression of my worth is how well I do a particular job.  (side note: not feeling like the greatest mother or wife these days)

There is no one indicator of worth, but opportunities to live by systems of beliefs that make our lives (as short or long as they may be) meaningful.  God has shown us what is good, and asks that we do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God - Micah 6:8.

(sort of building off of the last thought) That I, the me that I am, will take the English Translation of the Protestant Bible as the one and only "true" word of God.

God speaks to me through the Bible.  It's sometimes hard to read it (I don't read Hebrew or Greek, and I certainly have no idea what the conferences were like --where men (with various biases, traditions, and understandings of God) decided the contents of the Biblical canon.  But I take on faith that God has a word for me in the Bible, that God is challenging me to acknowledge, love, and respect people (not just the ones I know and love).  Maybe I see and interpret what I want to see and interpret.  But just as Jesus helped many of my ancestors survive lives much harder than my own, I believe Jesus helps me.  Now I've already written about one aspect of Christian faith, maybe even the most important for some: here.  Shorter (somwhat less complicated) version, a universalist minister expressed it well once: Jesus did his job.  He died for all people, now its time for us to do ours.  Acting justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with your God may not look the same for everyone, but faith in the love (and sacrifice) of Jesus is important to me, despite my questions and concerns about the sacred texts.

I'll end here I suppose.  I'm sure there are many other fantasies I need to disassemble for myself, and maybe I'll do this again some day, it was actually quite helpful.  It's also possible, that maybe I should consider such things in private, but I like blogging, so hopefully when I'm campaigning to be the Prime Minister of Canada, it won't come back to bite me;-P  Just Kidding!:-)