Monday, April 15, 2013

hard life

And it seems like everyday, my husband and I look at each other, express thankfulness and gratitude for the other, for the amazing gift our daughter is to our lives, and particularly on days like this, with news of a local teen being shot, the Boston marathon bombings, and friends facing trials and tribulations of what seem extreme magnitudes   I say to myself, I shouldn't ever complain about anything, but what I think I mean is I'm sorry that anyone has to endure such hardship and I hope I remember to be ever grateful for the life I live, ever loving toward others.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

What think you?

I was watching a more conservative news network here in Canadiana.  The segment included a piece on a single father who wanted his 9 year old daughter to take female only swimming lessons, but was taken aback when he was told he couldn't stay and watch the swimming lessons because the class was created to accommodate people with cultural or religious stipulations that prohibited mixed sex classes.  

The commentator took it as an example of our culturally sensitive society gone awry.  Why can't this father who happens to want his daughter in a single-sex class, stay, just because it could potentially make the other participants feel uncomfortable?  He was advised if he wanted to stay and watch the lessons to put his daughter in a mixed sex swimming lesson. 

As a woman, it would likely make me uncomfortable to have a man that I don't know watching my daughter's girls only swim class.  Not to say he should be subject to my comfort, but it would likely make me a little uncomfortable until I had some assurance that he isn't the type of man to take inappropriate pleasure in seeing a bunch of tweens splash around in the pool.  

I know for sure I don't by the we're too culturally sensitive angle.  Is this same man offended that cultural norms prevent his daughter from accompanying him through the men's locker room at 9 years old, because even if family changing rooms do exist in most places, you are first required to exit through one locker room or the other to get to the family area.  Should we discard that more widespread rule because its a cultural restriction, technically men and women could always share a single locker room right?  Is how comfortable women in particular feel about being naked among strangers not what dictates the policy of separate changing facilities?

I feel bad for the dad.  He may be looking for a safe place for his developing daughter to learn how to swim outside of the company of boys.  It would seem given that particular sensitivity that he might understand the perspective of the parents of the other girls, who might desire a separate space for reasons of their own.  

At any rate, at least one other man went on to discuss the male anchor the issue of whether this was too much accommodation.  It made me think of an all male panel discussing Dr. Gosnell and his performance of unsafe late term abortions.  Not one woman in the bunch to offer the perspective of women, beyond clips of women that can be played, but don't speak back, or engage the anchors.

What do you think?   

Friday, April 12, 2013


And my truth is I'm full of thoughts, inspiration, and fear sometimes.  I'm uncertain what is holding me back, what keeps me just a little afraid to share my thoughts, to do things differently, to live more fearlessly.  I suppose it takes one choice at a time, but its frustrating to feel bound by myself.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Early Riser

There's something liberating about not needing an alarm clock.  Either because your body is a well oiled machine, waking at just the right time, every morning OR because you happen to have that much flexibility in your day that you can rise when you want.  I struggle, because I want to get up and get at it every morning, but I abhor alarm clocks.  They are little sleep stealing trouble makers, forcing you to leave behind the comfort of your well warmed sheets to confront a busy day.  I reject thee alarm clock.....if only I didn't need you so....sometimes.

Monday, April 8, 2013


And its sometimes hard to share issues I have't come to terms with internally yet, which is why there were four incomplete posts before this one.  I'm committed to writing something tonight because I think its important to document my thoughts as I have them.  So many personal insights get lost, so many thoughts I'd like to share and get feedback on disintegrate before I have a chance to save them.  And I rarely go back to an uncompleted post, despite my best intentions of doing so at the time.

The four themes I had such a hard time articulating:
-the frightening nature of privilege for a working-poor girl turned middle class housewife
-the nobility of selflessness, especially as it relates to motherhood, married life, and community centered work
-good days, finding balance, and the importance of personal time away from home for adults educated in our society
- dual pressures, the joy of motherhood, the joy of work outside the home, and the work of dissecting myth from personal and/or collective truth


Sunday, April 7, 2013

It's Late

It's late, but I want to write.
It's late, but I WANT to write.
It's late, so I'm going to bed, better luck tomorrow I suppose:-)
The thoughts of an inspired, but tired me.

Saturday, April 6, 2013


And I suppose the reason I love archival work is the fact that we can't remember everything.  I don't even think we should.  Preserving the past has always been about choosing what we and others remember about us.  I suppose that today's events (a Black family meeting) that brought together members of the community to discuss important issues in the community, have affirmed for me how important being intentional about what we remember is. I had been feeling down because not as many people as I expected participated in video project I put together, it was exhausting trying to recruit people, and many people abstained   But in reality, it has accomplished the purpose I set forth.  We'll remember what we remember, and I can go to bed knowing that I did a small part to record the thoughts and reflections of myself and others.

Friday, April 5, 2013


And at times I feel guilty for staying up late, and sleeping in in the morning.  But it just occurred to me that on the nights I'm not up chatting up Chike, I'm up enjoying the solitude, the break of it all.  I don't have an office or any other space I can just go to and be by myself....a space that I have the right to occupy whenever I want.  I don't think it's selfish to want a little solitude.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

75 and 24

I've got about 75 days to go until I meet our second child.  
I've not spent an entire day away from my first.
I suppose I could write two entirely separate posts about each subject,   
I find them each weighty enough,
but the truth is the two are forever tied.
Never were the two separate from the very beginning (of the second new life),
but with proximity brings focus.
I will soon be the mother of 2.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013


And I was talking to a friend about something that happened at church.  She mentioned how she understands herself as having a covenant with the members of our church, that can and in some ways must remain despite differences in theology or philosophy.  That really challenged how I understand my relationships with the other people who attend our church.  Covenants are deep, serious commitments and I just see myself as having so few.  It's hard to even think of any beyond the one I have with my husband.  Maybe the word covenant can be used to describe my commitments/participation in other relationships with certain family members or close friends, to love, support, never judge.

But what is a covenant to me.  I suppose a promise, not an ordinary promise though, but a promise that withstands all pressure, all personal shortcomings.  I guess that's why I can't say I have many covenants and its hard quite honestly to imagine myself having covenants with a large group of people.  I suppose that's why some people need and believe in Jesus, in order to facilitate a covenant of love with the whole world.  I don't know, I just think its hard for me to say at this point that I have a covenant with anyone other than my most loved, and trusted.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Because somethings you just can't unsee

And from time to time I miss facebook.  I can't call myself completely disconnected since Chike still has an account that I visit regularly enough.  I obviously don't go as often as I did when I had my own account, but I still visit regularly (daily even depending on when you inquire).  I like seeing articles I might not have seen, but the downside is also seeing other things I wish I could unsee.  Today was one such day.  Since I don't have a personal account anymore, facebook is almost purely a spectator's sport.  And I think it's time I limited my spectating to the photos of newborn babies and the like that Chike finds relevant enough to me to share.

Monday, April 1, 2013

My hero

Every night my husband walks our daughter upstairs, brushes her teeth, puts on her pajamas, and makes the first attempt at putting her to bed, most nights its the only one needed.  For this and many more reasons he is my hero, for not complaining, for not making me feel bad for not having the energy, or patience to pitch in most nights.  At times its hard to describe exactly what love is, its tied to so many different things, the smallest acts of kindness and sweetness mean so much.  Walking our daughter upstairs to complete a nightly ritual, even though there are articles to be written, papers to be marked, lectures to be prepared means a lot to me.  Sometimes I forget to say thank you, sometimes my first words when he returns are about a light that didn't get turned off or grabbing something from the kitchen.  I am ever-reminded how precious a life-partner is, can't say I even had the best idea of what to look for in a potential partner when I was young and single, but I am oh so happy to have found my partenaire pour la vie.  

So for putting our sweet baby girl to bed, amid almost nightly tears and resistance, for getting up early, even after going to bed late in the morning, for not giving up the potty training fight, especially since I don't have the patience for it, and for things too many to name that you do everyday, love you are my hero!


Aminata awoke from her nap and asked for her customary snack.  I use the word generally enough I thought.  But when we got downstairs she didn't want yogurt, chicken, not anything I named, she wanted what she calls a snack, namely a granola bar (something I've intentioned not to buy).  Anywho we stood in front of the refrigerator, her in tears as I went through her available options, not until pinapples did she finally agree to something else.  After one serving she said:
"Apple fruit,
Apple pie.."
Then I said "more pineapples?"
And she said "Yes! More apple pie, pineapples!"

She still requests apple pie, apple pie!