Friday, March 23, 2012


Amid a pile of dishes I lost my voice.  Silent, stunned, overwhelmed by duties that have somehow come to define me.  I wonder in my head, and sometimes aloud to my husband, whether its possible to lose smartness, without practice you lose things right?  Without other people to exchange ideas with (about the things you are most passionate about) you miss out on something....something I'm having a hard time defining right now, but something. 

Amid thoughts of inadequacy I try to remember that my failures and fears aren't all that matter.  The skipping record does not have to stay stuck on fat and awkward.  Sometimes what I write is very guarded, there is a part of me that fears my thoughts will one day be used against me, evidence that as a flawed, vulnerable woman I not worthy to lead (....lead what, or who I'm not entirely sure, but being a leader is something I'm interested in).  I am often encouraged through other people's blogs, their trials and triumphs, admiring their honesty.  I suppose it takes courage to share.  Courage I'd like to cultivate.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Living the Life

I was at a party a couple of weeks ago and a mother who cloth diapers her daughter talked about her decision to do so, how it's not always easy, but she took stock of her life and made the decision to live more in line with her values, that got me to thinking.

I began thinking, and thinking, and very soon was overwhelmed by the amount of waste in my life.  Material waste (trash), food waste, water waste, waste of time, waste of ability, waste waste waste.  It was a lot to think about and resulted in a bunch of attempts at doing things differently and a TON OF GUILT.

It has occurred to me that feeling guilty about all of the waste, instead of acting (even if only in small, but sustainable ways) is a waste of an opportunity to live more like I want to live.

I've thus decided to take things more slowly.  My goal: to consume far less and find ways to use what I have to fulfill new needs that arise.  Consuming less means doing things like "not buying trash", one of the tips on a website I came across recently suggested.  Aminata loves yogurt, we used to buy the individual servings for no good reason, easy to transition away from especially since the small tupperware containers are the only ones we seem to keep around.  The second part of the goal means looking for those old college sheets that I no longer use (if I didn't already give them away) and borrowing someone's pinking shears to make homemade cloth napkins (instructions here: cloth napkin tutorial).

My hope is to waste less and less and less indefinitely.  I've been blessed with so much and in the spirit of not wasting the time I have to spend with my sweet baby girl, I'm gonna end this post, even if I could probably think of a few more things to say.