Sunday, May 27, 2012

Blessing of mine

And each day I reflect how great a gift is she, my sweet baby.

I imagine a future for her not burdened by racism, sexism, hate of any kind.

I hope...

Hope she feels loved and cherished by her family and friends.

Hope she meets God, not in the midst of dogma, patriarchy, or fear, but in the fullness of love, justice, mercy, and goodness that God is.

I hope that she never loses the joy with which she masters her universe, greets each day, and fulfills her purpose as the brilliant and beautiful human being she is..

Sunday, May 13, 2012


It's mother's day, so I thought today a good time to finally post my sweet baby girl's birth story.  Warning: this post is way too long, so make it through what you can and you can always come back if you don't finish:-).

I wish I had done this right after I gave birth (or sooner at least).  Should I have the privilege of bringing another life into this world I'll try to do so (although I obviously make no promises since there are more important things to do when a new baby has arrived).

Throughout my pregnancy I worried about the impact of being overweight/obese/whatever else I'm classified as.  I worried about the increased risk of having a cesarean section and a harder labor as a result.  I worried needlessly and if I could go back I'd worry less.  I'd also encourage women who are above average in weight to devote the energy wasted on worrying about the statistics and refocus it on loving yourself and your baby.  For most people that includes eating good food, being active regularly, and appreciating the body we are in.  I'm not a doctor and I can't speak from anyone's experience but my own, but I feel like I take the best care of myself when I let go of the guilt and shame and focus on loving and trusting the only body I have.  The number on the scale is only one indicator of health.  I've digressed though, so I'm going to get back on topic and maybe do another post about this topic in the future.

The day after my due date I went to see the doctor and she performed a procedure meant to kick start labor.  It was unexpectedly painful hours after the procedure and extremely effective.  At about 3am I woke up uncomfortable, then went to rocking back and forth on my exercise ball, at about 3:30am my water broke and we called the doctor, the doula, and were on our way.  The hospital was 10 min walk away, but we took a cab.

Now my memory starts to get a little fuzzy.  What I remember for sure...the doula arrived at the perfect time and helped me breath through some hard contractions in the tub.  I wanted a break (spoiler: I didn't get one).  We watched a video that talked about how labor gradually begins, well I must have slept through the gradual part because my contractions started coming every 90 seconds and didn't stop.  My husband gives the best impressions, but I slipped into long trains of "I can't I can't I can't I can't" do this is the presumed ending although I didn't get that far.  Also included "I don't I don't I don't I don't" know if I can do this the presumed ending there.  I'll spare you the gritty details just know almost six hours later I had delivered my sweetness with no pain meds or need of stitches.

Over a year later I'm still in awe of the fact that I grew a human being inside of me, then expelled her from my body, and that was just the beginning.  Mothers do so much for their children from the moment they are conceived that children will never, can never remember.  Being a mother makes me increasingly more appreciative for every sacrifice, every late night, every hug and kiss, and all of the energy my mother invested in her children.  I wouldn't be who I am without her.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!

Friday, May 11, 2012

On Same-sex Marriage

It's hard for me to understand objections to legalizing same-sex marriage.

For those who object because of the Bible, I think we pick and choose what to believe is right and wrong all of the time.  The Bible instructs slaves to obey their masters.  Jesus condemns all divorce (with no mention of remedies for those physically or sexually abused by their spouses).  Women are told to be silent in the church.  In several places the Bible contradicts what is now commonly perceived as just.  God is.  God is timeless.  God is love.  God is every good thing that happens in the world.  God is inside of all of us.  I don't think God is a celestial bureaucrat beholden to archaic understandings of righteousness, loving order above all else (including human beings, as chaotic and volatile as we can be).  The Bible is supposed to be a tool to help us understand and connect to God, a help as we try to make sense of the world, not a source of perpetual condemnation.