Thursday, December 29, 2011
Sometimes my thoughts really are like a broken record, the same messed up line playing over and over again in my head. Lifting the needle off of the record and putting on a new song is always so much easier said than done. Maybe in time I'll figure out how to either shut it off or tune out the relentless beat.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
So it's been 50 years since I updated, I know. I was visiting home and didn't have consistent internet access. I'm still visiting family, so I probably won't update much, but I have been thinking about some things. Consistency among the most important. Setting realistic goals and organizing my space and time in a way that supports productivity is certainly a new focus. My goal is to be consistently productive, consistent with self-care, and consistently reflective of my goals, accomplishments, and set setbacks. My hope is that in being more consistent in my efforts to be better, I'll make the changes I've been intending to make.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sometimes I get lost on the way to my voice. I see it from a short distance off, but as I approach, what was once a battle cry turns to a whisper and I am left standing, perplexed, unsure how to proceed. I arrive at myself, back from a long journey meant to unveil me to I and I search. I remember the brilliant mind I thought my own, and I close my eyes, ready to speak, ready to release, set myself free. Then I awake from the fantasy, just in time to realize that the world has shifted, my voice is now elsewhere. My opportunity to embrace it, to share it, to encourage it, to be unafraid has passed on from a particular place. At times when I speak, I'm too careful, too anxious to get my thoughts expressed, too needing of time to think.
I'm looking for my voice, I find it daily, but sometimes not quickly enough (for my tastes).
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Gill Scott Heron had me thinking this evening about being Black in North America. He raises a good question, who will pay reparations on my soul, on the soul of millions of Black people sold into slavery, on the souls of hundreds of thousands, if not millions of Black men and women trapped inside the prison industrial complex, on the souls of children lied to, told they are inferior, undereducated and then confronted by hostile job markets, on the souls of every Black person asked to repeatedly prove racism still exists, even as they wake to face it each day. Who pays the reparations, which can be no less than a healing peace (from what I can tell).
Jesus through incomprehensible love?
Ourselves through persistent self-love and self-care?
Others through kindness and compassion?
....and if not a healing peace, what are adequate reparations for one's soul?