Tuesday, October 25, 2011

A Decade Into Womanhood...

I went to see a play a couple of months ago by Shauntay Grant.  It was very good and one of the lines that really stuck with me included the words:

"Only a decade into womanhood...."

It was repeated a couple of times with various endings to the sentence.  At 28 years old, it really resonated with me, because in many ways, that's sort of where I am. A decade into womanhood and...still a bit lost, but finding my way.

Today I worked very hard to break a cycle.  A cycle of unproductiveness, a cycle of self-doubt, a cycle of a lack of self-care.  I wasn't completely successful, but I did interrupt the cycle at the very least.  Upon re-reading that I felt bad for not giving myself credit for the work I do everyday to take care of my daughter, always falling short of perfection, but ever striving to protect, love, and support her.  A cycle of self-criticism and self-doubt may lie under the surface often, but one thing is certain, my love and support of Aminata.

I write this post at the end of a long day after having done some cleaning that I didn't want to do, but needed to do to feel accomplished at SOMETHING, again see the above comment about re-reading.  I tried really hard to not resent my partner in life for not cleaning for me.  I wasn't that successful.

I'm a decade into womanhood and I still find myself making childish mistakes.  Thankfully, I also find myself being reflective.  I find myself capable of adapting and practiced enough at being a woman to know that I have a lot to learn from other women.

Only a decade into womanhood....and I have much more to do and say.

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