Silence

And I love nap time.
I admit I look forward to it.
I hope silently that it will last for at least an hour.
I debate about how to make the best use of that time, a nap of my own perhaps.
I struggle with feeling overworked and like I don't do enough at the same time.  The hubby was with her all morning, she cried when he left for work.  I slept in until 10.  There's no end to this job, every nap induces guilt.  At the same time with all of my education I feel like I still fail to do enough teaching, the children in daycare have the benefit of people who have studied early childhood development extensively and regularly put into place activities that spur growth.

I feel resentful of not being able to work, and not knowing when I'll go back, and angry at myself for not more fully enjoying the privilege that I have to take care of my child without having to work.

I'm nervous she'll wake up before I finish putting away toys, sorting clothes to be washed, packing a snack to for the trip to the playground, and washing the dishes.  But then again, I'm blogging at this moment, seconds and minutes that I could be using to do those tasks (or sleeping) silently passing away.

Unsure whether I should share these words, nothing profound or lyrical today, just my truth.  It's entirely possible, this is more appropriate for a personal diary entry.  But what can I say yall, I'm a cracked plate, set me down gently.  I enjoy blogging, so in that way I guess this is my revolt against a fear of inadequacy.