When I was a child I imagined I'd do something great. I felt full of promise. Junior high Tina thought she was one of the smartest in the class (nevermind there were only 14-16 kids in the class:-). High school Tina knew she wasn't the smartest, but she was at least "above average". College Tina, recognized her world was so small back home and being the smartest - 1) wasn't a personal reality and 2) wasn't all that mattered... yet she still wanted to be great. Graduate school Tina had her moments when she was exceptional and moments when she was just getting by, but the scale tipped (even if ever so slightly) more to the exceptional side than the just getting by side. Tina the first year counselor was a hot mess, Tina the first year mom, not a hot mess, but not mother of the year either.
Sometimes I wonder if the promise I saw, the promise I feel my family and friends saw and encouraged will ever be realized. I wonder whether I'll survive the projected 5-7 years of stay at home motherhood where my greatness is largely a reflection of my existence as the professor's wife, and mother of the most brilliant and beautiful child(ren). I'm sure I could use a perspective check, and I check myself often during the day, since I live a very privileged life, with opportunities to become more engaged in the community (which I pursue when I can), but I still wonder....I wonder whether any of the plans or ideas I have are really able to be accomplished from a non employed SAHM position.