And sometimes the hardest thing for me to do is wade through my thoughts. Torn by an intense fear of vulnerability. If I choose to share the imperfections of my life, the self-doubt, the poor habits, the waste and excess then isn't any public shame or disgrace simply my just desserts?
How are the scales balanced. Can intent or idea outweigh prolapsed dreams and aborted efforts? Is not the doing always more important than the thinking about doing..... more?
Is it merely self-aggrandizement to think anyone cares to know or benefits from my share? More importantly are those fears of future denigration grounded in the same self-aggrandizing thoughts that nudge and at times propel blog posts forward....even if I imagine they hold me back?
Should I not be more happy, upbeat, uplifting (in message), overflowing with optimism and enthusiasm. I do after all spend day and night privileged.
My daughter sleeps in her bed tonight. My son lies under warm soft blankets in his crib. My husband remains an ever-present pillar of support.
I am engulfed by love near and far. Appreciative and grateful, even if weighed down by the frustration of incomplete initiatives.