Amid a pile of dishes I lost my voice. Silent, stunned, overwhelmed by duties that have somehow come to define me. I wonder in my head, and sometimes aloud to my husband, whether its possible to lose smartness, without practice you lose things right? Without other people to exchange ideas with (about the things you are most passionate about) you miss out on something....something I'm having a hard time defining right now, but something.
Amid thoughts of inadequacy I try to remember that my failures and fears aren't all that matter. The skipping record does not have to stay stuck on fat and awkward. Sometimes what I write is very guarded, there is a part of me that fears my thoughts will one day be used against me, evidence that as a flawed, vulnerable woman I not worthy to lead (....lead what, or who I'm not entirely sure, but being a leader is something I'm interested in). I am often encouraged through other people's blogs, their trials and triumphs, admiring their honesty. I suppose it takes courage to share. Courage I'd like to cultivate.